


where need underweighs want

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: hold my hand (i can hear the ghost calling) [9]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Assassins & Hitmen, Blood, Character Study, Chronicles of Narnia References, Clint Barton-centric, Deaf Clint Barton, Dubious Morality, Family Feels, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multi, Polyamory, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 01:33:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12996945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: When Clint was a kid, before he even ran away from home, his favorite book series was the Chronicles of Narnia. His favorite character wasn’t Peter, the hero, or Lucy, the Valiant, but rather Susan. An archer who slayed armies, who ruled lands, but was still Gentle. She’s everything he wants to be, everything he wishes he could become.When he runs away from home, a well-worn copy of the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe stays tucked in his pocket.---Sometimes Clint looks at himself and realizes how old he is. Sometimes he feels the aches in his bones, feels the echo of strain when he pulls back the bowstring, and realizes that he probably won’t last much longer.As he reads his favorite book to his children, he wonders: is this how Susan felt when she was left behind in England, when she had to deal with limbs growing weak and calluses not being able to hold up against her bowstring?(Is this how she felt when her world crumbled before her, when she was taken from Narnia, from Queendom and power, to the mundane world of England?)





	where need underweighs want

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Shine" by Shane Koyczan.
> 
>  
> 
> God, it's been forever. Between novel and writing portfolio submissions, life has been rather hectic over the past few weeks. I've been trying to crank out a Peter-Parker-entry-adopted-by-Tony-Sam-and-the-Avengers fic, but I keep getting stumped. So I turned to my Narnia fic as well as the relationship between Clint and Natasha and Laura, and this popped out. Hope you all like while I try to finish Peter!

It’s been a long time since Clint Barton fired a gun.

(Why would he need to, when he has arrows and his partner has bullets? When he can be just as effective- or more (explosive arrows are the best)- with an arrow?)

\---

His partners are forces of nature.

Laura is the sun, bright and beautiful and bringing hope.

Natasha is the sea, life-giving and fast and exhilarating.

Laura is the sun, burning in her silence and too far for him to reach.

Natasha is the sea, ferocious and violent and threatening to drag you under.

\---

They’re his partners, and his lovers, and his life.

He loves them with everything he has.

\---

When Clint was a kid, before he even ran away from home, his favorite book series was the Chronicles of Narnia. His favorite character wasn’t Peter, the hero, or Lucy, the Valiant, but rather Susan. An archer who slayed armies, who ruled lands, but was still Gentle. She’s everything he wants to be, everything he wishes he could become.

When he runs away from home, a well-worn copy of  _the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe_ stays tucked in his pocket.

\---

_Natasha is barren, but neither Laura nor Clint care. The night of their wedding, Natasha is there as maid of honor at Clint’s side, mini dres a deep, dark blue. When the three of them tumble into bed together, hot and young and on top of the world, the rings around their fingers flash in the darkness._

_“Don’t worry,” Laura says, “Any child we create will be yours as well.”_

_Natasha flashes them a grin. Clint loves these smiles just as much as he loves her face set by battle, cold and stoic. “Can’t wait to be Mama Nat.”_

_“Neither can we,” Clint says, winking at them both, and Laura nudges him in the shoulder._

_“Oh shut up, you idiot,” she teases, and Natasha’s eyes glint in agreement._

\---

Clint notices the chain around Tony’s neck and realizes that he wears his promise ‘round his neck the same way that Clint and Natasha do, trying to keep the physical symbol of their relationship safe from getting banged up on missions.

(Dogtags and rings alike can get easily dented by robots controlled by evil AI bent on world domination.)

\---

Sometimes Clint looks at himself and realizes how old he is. Only Tony and Bruce (and Thor, though that’s sometimes easy to forget) are older than him. ‘Tasha, Sam, Steve, Bucky, Laura, Wanda, Pietro and definitely Peter are all younger than him. Sometimes he feels the aches in his bones, feels the echo of strain when he pulls back the bowstring, and realizes that he probably won’t last much longer.

As he reads his favorite book to his children, he wonders: is this how Susan felt when she was left behind in England, when she had to deal with limbs growing weak and calluses not being able to hold up against her bowstring?

(Is this how she felt when her world crumbled before her, when she was taken from Narnia, from Queendom and power, to the mundane world of England?)

\---

Sometimes, when the world gets to be too much, when he just wants to let go of the chaos, the cacophony, he takes out his hearing aids and just enjoys the silence. It is beautiful, in the same way that Laura's smile or 'Tasha's arching blades are. The silence is something he lived in for so long, something familiar and deep. It is a blessing, an escape from the cacophony of the world.

He leans back his head and lets the nothingness wash over him as he begins to pull food out of the fridge and make dinner. He needs these breaks sometimes, when the world gets to be too much. Laura and 'Tasha do similar things: Laura goes out into the fields at their farm and just weeds until her fingers give up while 'Tasha goes into the gum and spars.

He smiles as he begins to mix all of the ingredients for goulash together. This is comforting, especially after a mission like the one he just finished. Food and silence: two of his favorite comforts. Just add his family- which he'll get after he's done cooking- and everything will be perfect.

\---

 _He takes Laura and ‘Tasha to see the movie_ The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe  _when it premieres in 2005. Laura is heavily pregnant with their first child but is just as excited as he is- she remembers as well as him the batter paperback they carried from stop to stop on the circus route and the world contained within its pages. ‘Tasha is kind of just along for the road, ready to enjoy the movie adaptation of the story that captivates her partners._

_The movie is no disappointment. Susan appears just as she always did: hesitant, rational, and pinpoint accurate. His hero is as majestic as she always was, with all her doubts and flaws intact. No matter her treatment in the later books, she is in her apex here, with her first battle and her Queendom bestowed upon her in the end._

_When the movie ends and they leave the theatre, Clint can’t wait for the sequel to come along. When the Pevensies return to Narnia, Susan is bound to be even greater now that she has been Queen for decades._

 

When, on a movie night in Avengers tower years later (before Peter joins but after Steve is gone) they watch  _Prince Caspian,_ the sequel to the first Narnia movie, Clint spends the whole time pointing out similarities to the characters.

“See,” Clint says, pointing at different characters throughout the movie, “Thor is obviously Peter, right? And Tony is Caspian, and Sam is Edmund. Bruce is Lucy, Vision is Aslan, Natasha is Reepicheep, Pietro is Trumpkin, and Wanda is Eustace.”

“And you’re obviously Susan,” Tony says. He winks. “Barton, do you have something you want to tell me?”

Clint shakes his head vigorously. “Susan and Caspian are  _not_ a thing. If anything- as you’ll see in the next movie- Caspian and  _Edmund_ are totally a thing.”

Tony turns to his husband and grins. “Here that, sweetie? We get to be  _Kings_ , and Nat, Speedy Gonzalez, and Sabrina get to be our knights?  _Sweet_.”

“Hey,” Wanda says, “We ‘ave not watched this “Eustace” yet, but I doubt he is your knight-”

Then Clint continues, unhampered by anyone’s interruptions, “Now, if we were going off of the books, you’d all probably be different characters ‘cause then we’d get to use  _A Horse and his Boy_ , and Thor would be  _just_ as great as Aravis as he would be as Peter, and Vision would make a great Shasta-”

Sam leans in at Natasha’s side. “Is he always this passionate about this series?”

She nods. “He and Laura loved it as a kid. It apparently got him through some really bad stuff and so the extreme love for the series is understandable.”

\---

He, Laura, and Natasha are reaching their fifteen year anniversary (he’s 50, Natasha’s 37, and Laura’s 45) when his defenses slip. For just a moment, he lets his guard down for too long and he, his children, and his wife have to pay the price. A team of enemy agents beat them up and kidnap them before Clint has the chance to draw his arrows.

‘Tasha gets to them two days after they’ve been kidnapped. She opens the door to the room they’re being held in, blood staining her weapons and her hands. Her expression is set, the glint in her eyes fierce, and her posture square. There is no regret in her expression. She doesn’t care about the rampage that she’s just committed. All that she cares about is them, and as he watches her untie them all and scoop the kids into hugs, he realizes that her missing empathy should mean something quite bad. It should mean something  _dangerous._

But she’s his family. She’s his lover and partner, mother to his kids and partner to his wife. She’s always been dangerous- this changes nothing save bringing it to the front.

Then ‘Tasha turns to him, their toddler (Jenna, their third after Charlie, their oldest at a precocious ten, and Jayden, their brilliant seven-year-old) wrapped in her arms. She offers out an arm to him, an eyebrow raised as if in dare. She seems to realize that something has changed in him.

He takes Charlie, who he’d been holding the hand of, and steps forward and into her arms. Charlie wraps her arms around Mama Nat’s leg as Laura brings Jayden over. They all fall into a family hug, and everything feels right again.

\---

Clint is all too aware of his partner’s feelings- or more importantly, lack thereof- towards most of humanity. He knows that killing does not bother her as much as it used to bother him, that to her pushing a blade into someone’s heart is no worse than buttering a slice of bread for the kids.

(That it has never bothered her.)

Sometimes, it bothers him. Most of the time, though, he can’t afford to dwell on moral quandaries. The years they spent next to each other, killing marks in SHIELD’s name, has numbed him to their assassination spree.

At first, even the Avengers was just another duty, another mission. Even if it later became a moral thing, a just thing, for then it was but another mission.

(He has his suspicions as to what really happened to Steve Rogers. But there is some piece of him, some piece that has hardened over the years, some piece that  _understands_ the want to hurt people who have hurt those he loves, that approves of what she did.

And so he says nothing.)

\---

Clint goes to Laura and ‘Tasha a few weeks after the incident. The kids are in bed after a day of playing in the surprise snow and the three of them are gathered around the table. ‘Tasha has a mug of tea in her hands and Laura and Clint have mugs of hot chocolate in front of them.

“I can’t trust myself to protect you and the kids all the way out here anymore,” Clint says. “Either I retire so I can be here all the time or we move the family to the Avengers tower so we can have full-time security.”

Laura looks around the ranch house, the farm that they bought for themselves after they escaped the circus. “If the kids and I move into the Tower, can we keep the farm going? Hire an extra farmhand or two to cover the workload lost if I leave? I can continue to plan everything from the Tower and get Andre to run things firsthand here.”

“Sounds good to me,” Clint says, and looks to ‘Tasha. “How about you?”

She shrugs and blows on the hot tea in her hands. “The farm isn’t mine. Whatever you two decide to do about is your choice. All I care about is Laura and the kids’ safety.” She looks to Laura. “I just want you four to be as safe as possible, and the Tower provides security.”

Laura smiles softly. “Good. Now, are the Stark-Wilsons okay with this? I wouldn’t want to impose.”

Clint grins. “Sam’s wanted to spend more time with you and the kids ever since they were stuck here during the Ultron fiasco, and Tony is fine with kids, especially if his husband cares about them. They’re both fine with you guys moving in, especially as the Tower has three floors dedicated to residential space for the Avengers. Everyone agrees that they’d love to have more family in the Tower. I mean, Tony and Sam’s nieces already come around once a month. Having more kids there won’t really hurt anyone.”

“Then it looks like we’re moving,” Laura says. “I’ll miss the farm, but I care more about my family’s safety than this house.”

“Ironic thing to say when your partners are two assassins,” ‘Tasha says.

Laura grins. “Last time I heard, you two were superheroes.”

\---

_The first time someone calls Clint a ‘superhero’ is after the Battle of New York, after Tony Stark sent a nuke into a black hole. His head is still pounding from Loki’s scepter, his thoughts scrambled. In battle it was a bit easier to focus, the familiar chaos taking him back to every mission and its singular endgoal, but now that things are calmer it’s hard to get to the lingering thoughts of a god out of his head._

_Something taps him in the side. He looks down, ready to kick away whatever it is. He finds a little girl, no more than seven, staring up at him with a grin. She's holding the shaft from one of his arrows and wearing a baseball cap. She reminds him of Charlie, only five years old._

_“You shot that arrow, though, right?” she nearly shouts, and he's glad that he turns down his hearing aids during battles because shit, she's loud._

_He nods and she nearly shrieks. “You're a superhero!”_

_“Um,” he blinks, a bit shocked. He's aware of Tony, Steve, Bruce, and even Thor being labelled as such, but he's been nothing but a spy for years._

_“I want to be like you when I grow up,” she declares. “My Daddy says I can start archery soon. I told him that I wanna be like Katniss and Queen Susan and_ you  _. You just saved my city like they saved their worlds.”_

_“Start with a compound bow,” he advises. “Easier pull.”_

_Her face breaks back into that blinding smile. “Thanks, sir!”_

_“Good luck, then,” he says, finally far enough out of shock to start looking around for ‘Tasha. Laura will never let him live it down if he manages to lose their partner after a battle._

_“Bye!” The little girl shouts, dropping something into his unfurled palm, and he turns to find her running off to what he suspects is her family. He looks down to see his shaft in his hand._

_‘Tasha walks up to him. “Good to have you back, Clint,” she says. Clint turns and places a quick kiss to her cheek. ‘Tasha’s face shifts into a true grin. “And it seems like that you’re happy to have me back too.”_

_“Always,” Clint says. His head is clearer with her here, the scepter’s whispers quieter._

\---

Susan Pevensie never asked to be made Queen. Clint Barton never asked to be named “hero.”

Despite this, Susan became named Gentle. Clint became named Hawkeye.

They fought battles, they fell in love, they became everything they were never supposed to be and more. Susan faded off the page as soon as Aslan cast her back into England, dismissed because she was interested in “lipsticks and nylons.” Clint had to lean back, had to give up parts of his job and his dreams because he had to protect his family and he was getting too old.

And yet, they became legend.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all liked Clint and his side of things. My work on my Narnia fic became a bit obvious with this fic, but I hope it was understandable to casual readers. I hope to get my Peter Parker fic out soon, but I hope this suffices in the meantime.


End file.
